A Lightbulb Moment and the Shift That Will Rock Your World

Posted on July 28, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

It’s not Christmas or Mother’s Day or my birthday. No, today is even better.

Today is the first day of school.

I have spent days happy dancing and turning cartwheels in my mind at the thought of having time – uninterrupted-by-children time – to do whatever my heart desires.

Like a kid on Christmas morning, I awoke today with a smile on my face, a song in my heart, and a glowing vision of how all my ecstatic joy would play out.

And oh it is such a wonderful vision…

But it isn’t reality.

Not mine anyway. And definitely not today.

Today is a day ripe with the reality of what is.

It starts with my 11 year old son staying in the shower an exceptionally long time while my 9 year old goes back to lie in bed. I don’t notice this because I’m making lunches and realizing that I forgot to buy lunch boxes, the yogurt is expired, and I cannot find my 9 year old’s “special” lunch.

After getting things somewhat squared away, my oldest walks in. Clearly he has neglected to wash his hair…again. His use of soap is questionable as well.

While I’m busy haranguing him, my younger son appears with dirty hair, wearing dirty clothes and shoeless. “Vagabond” seems to be an appropriate description of his current style. He can’t find his shoes so he scurries around looking everywhere for them leaving doors wide open in his wake and suddenly, it’s too much.

And I lose it.

At this point, I don’t only continue to harangue my children, I get nasty. I become punitive. I get mean. I won’t go into deep detail here, but let’s just say it wasn’t pretty (or logical or warranted or the way I prefer to parent), but I did it nonetheless.

Suddenly I flashback to the previous afternoon’s trip to Costco. There I was talking to the mom of my kids’ former pre-school friends. She’s showering me with talk of her children’s many brilliant accomplishments both academically and in their respective sports.

That’s when I turn around to find my kids sprawled on the floor at Costco.

They are lying there in what I can only assume to be a kind of protest – civil disobedience perhaps? One is propped up against a stack of pallets containing giant stuffed bears as though he is one among them that has lost his way and tumbled haphazardly to the floor.

“What is wrong with my kids?” I wonder as I snap back and resume looking for the lost lunch.

I certainly have the proof to support my musings that my children are profoundly flawed. The whole Costco incident is, after all, only the tip of a much, much larger iceberg.

My verbal and very nasty tirade continues while intense frustration and anger escalate with every word. The longer my rant continues, the more I become aware that I am acting like a crazy woman. I am wreaking havoc on my emotional wellbeing…and probably that of my children as well.

Amidst the swirling tide of emotion, it occurs to me to ask myself why I’m losing it. And then it dawns on me that my emotional meltdown is happening because I think there’s something wrong with my kids.

Lightbulb moment!

Regardless of what you think, you can always, always, always find proof that you’re right…and that’s exactly what I had done. I had found ample proof that my kids were just plain wrong.

That’s when the coach in me perks up and says in her loving and calm way…

You’ve been down this road.
It is an old and tired path that doesn’t work for you.
There’s nothing wrong with your kids.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
The only thing that’s “wrong” in this scenario is the way you’re looking at things.
You have the power to change what’s wrong by focusing on what’s right.

Ah.

And so I chose to focus on what was “right”. I mentally listed all of everything that had gone well and voila! I immediately started feeling better.

It was so simple. Best of all, maybe my kids are not as flawed as I thought after all.

The next time things seem to be spiraling out of control and going all wrong, take a moment to refocus. Instead of looking at what’s wrong, take stock of all that is going just oh so beautifully.

If you take the time to try, you will find those “oh so right” things. And when you do, that small, simple shift will absolutely rock your world.

Givin’ credit where credit is credit is due,
Theresa

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Drop the Robe and Channel Your Inner Golden

Posted on June 24, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

My dog died last week.

She was the embodiment of freedom, sunshine, light, love, compassion and joy rolled in to one delightful, tail wagging golden retriever.

When we took walks, people on the street would comment on how happy she was although the word walking never quite applied to Ally. Her “walking” was more like a joyous dance of celebration that still makes me break out in a spontaneous smile each time I think of it.

You just can’t help but appreciate absolute, unconditional love in any form and that’s what Ally was.

I had known that she was in her last days for over a month. I cried and grieved a little every time the inevitability of the end struck me.

During that time, I decided to give myself permission to grieve fully in my own way and to the extent that felt right for me. Perhaps more importantly, I also decided to grieve without judgment.

Judging myself was once a staple of the way I lived my life. I was quick to note my every misstep, mistake, poorly chosen word, and all of the things that were just plain “wrong” about me from the top of my curly head to the bottoms of my super-sized feet.

Although I didn’t know it back then, I was hypercritical of myself as a misguided means to making myself worthy enough and acceptable to other people. On some deep unconscious level, I thought if I could fix everything that was wrong with me, I would be good enough for others and possibly, good enough for myself.

Over the past several years, however, I learned about the true effects of judgment.

Judgment is mean. It is cruel. It hurts and wounds. It creates unnecessary suffering. It makes challenges more difficult. It separates and divides. It isolates. It exacerbates feelings of loneliness and unworthiness.

Judgment destroys.

This lesson led me to drop the judge’s robes and gavel and grieve in my own way. I sobbed uninterrupted for hours. I sought solitude and quiet. I journaled. I sat alone. I laid in bed. I stayed open to possibility. I learned. I napped when exhausted. I never once did anything I didn’t want to.

I’ve been through grief many times in my life, but this time was different. This time, I made myself and my grief my top priority and I did not judge.

That doesn’t mean that judgment didn’t come up. It did in the form of judgmental thoughts like, “She was just a dog. You shouldn’t be this upset”. So I did myself the courtesy of noticing that those thoughts were not helping me and, in fact, were not true. After all, who is in charge of deciding how upset I should be? My friends? My family? Society?

The only one who can decide how deeply I grieve is me. I am the only one who can feel my pain.

Grief is a process designed to help us work through our pain as a means of letting go and moving on. It cannot be dictated or commanded by anyone else. It is strictly each person’s own business.

So I let those judgments flow right on through without choosing to believe them.

Grieving never felt so good.

My grief was still painful, even heart wrenching at times, but it was free of the suffering caused by judgment. Before I knew it, I had an extraordinary list of things I had learned and I was in a state of deep gratitude for all the gifts Ally had brought in both life and death.

This felt a lot less selfish, a lot more full hearted, and exponentially better than focusing on all the ways I was “wrong”.

That’s how I reached my current level of peace and acceptance. Which feels an awful lot like the unconditional love that Ally was.

Unconditional love is what life without judgment feels like:  freedom, sunshine, light, love, compassion and joy.

Who doesn’t want more of that?

If you’re tired of feeling anything less than that, try channeling your inner golden. Let judgmental thoughts pass through. Just for a week. Or a day. Or an hour.

You have nothing short of love to gain.

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Know Your Priorities – Part 2

Posted on June 9, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

Lately, I’ve written about the importance of treating yourself with love and compassion. I’ve written about the importance of knowing your priorities. I’ve written about taking a moment to identify them.

This time around I’m defining priorities.

You might think of  your top priorities as being the most pressing or urgent things on your to do list, but according to Michele Woodward, priorities are a bit more.

“Priorities are values in action.”

That makes sense, right?

Values define what is important to you and what you stand for. So it follows that the choices you make and the things you choose to prioritize reveal what is important to you.

Everyone has a different set of values, but typically, 3-5 core values run the show at any given time. They can also change over time.

For example, in college perhaps learning was a core value. If so, you probably did a lot of studying. If fun was a core value and learning was way down the list, then you probably devoted a lot more time to beer bongs than going to the library. (But I’m sure you don’t know anything about that.)

These days, you may value loyalty, happiness, honesty, or any number of other traits and characteristics over learning and fun. Or not. I for one strongly value both learning and fun. But that’s just me. Your values are yours, mine are mine, and there is no right or wrong.

This is a pretty straightforward, simple concept, right?  If your values and priorities match up, then yes. But if what you say you value and what you prioritize are two different things, then not so much.

When there is a disconnect between what is truly important to you and what you choose to do, you can bet you ain’t gonna be real happy.

Instead you’ll have a struggle on your hands because what you think is urgent and pressing isn’t something that is actually urgent and pressing to you. As a result, feelings of discontent, frustration, disconnect and powerlessness arise.

That’s because in this situation you aren’t valuing yourself and your values.

Which means you are valuing someone else, their values or their opinions. When you do that, you shut off your internal basis for decision making and rely on your perception of what other people think is right as a means of choosing your actions. And that just plain sucks.

If you value a well-lived happy life, it is your job to make sure your priorities match your core values.

Take time to define the traits and qualities that you find most worthy, most important, and the most you-defining at this point in time. Then compare it to that priority list (remember that priority list?) and see how they match up.

Ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself about your responses:

  • How do what I say I value and my actual choices line up?
  • What choices did I make today and how did they serve my values?
  • Am I happy with my choices?
  • Do I feel victimized or in charge of my decisions?
  • At the end of the day, do I feel accomplished and fulfilled?

and my personal favorite…

If priorities reveal values, then what do my actions say about mine?

If your values and your choices you are aligned, chances are you feel pretty darned good. If not, then I recommend doing something about it so that well-lived, happy life becomes yours.

The next time you have a choice to make whether you are looking at your to do list or choosing to volunteer on a committee or planning a trip around the world, ask yourself this one question:

Does this choice honor my values?

Only you know the answer to that.

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Know Your Priorities

Posted on May 23, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

I bet you know what it’s like to get caught up in the rush-rush, hurry-hurry, busy-busyness of life. Things move so fast it can seem difficult to keep up.

When I have more on today’s to-do list than any one person can do in a week, I know what to expect.

Stress. Overwhelm. Anxiety.

Once upon a time, I tried to handle it by rushing through everything always thinking a few steps ahead of where I was. I would jump and hustle like a bug on a hotplate trying to get it all done, but the more I did, the more it seemed I had to do.

These days I simply stop.

I don’t do anything.

Except breathe deeply.

Then I remind myself what my priorities are. I ask myself if I’m serving those priorities.

Do you know what your priorities are? In the old days, I sure didn’t. Now I know better.

I’ve learned that when you don’t know your priorities, you have no internal basis for decision making. You end up choosing what to do based on what you think other people want, what “should” be done, and what’s “right”. The problem is that nobody else can ever know what’s right for you.

I’ve learned this the hard way. I followed the rules and tried to do the right thing every single time. But I felt trapped. Stuck in a box from which there was no escape. Stressed, overwhelmed and anxious. All the freakin’ time.

This turned me into the ultimate bitch…to myself. The bitchiness though was reflected in the way I treated my family, and, less noticeably, others. I was impatient, frustrated, more passive aggressive than I would like to admit, and short tempered. I felt undervalued, underappreciated and couldn’t say No to save my life.

I was a doormat.

And I didn’t understand it at all.

All I wanted was to be loving and kind, but I failed more often than I got it “right”. I simply didn’t know that being loving and kind to others requires being loving and kind to myself first.

By listing my priorities and putting myself not only on my priority list but at the top of my list, I was able to begin treating myself with loving kindness. That’s when the stress, overwhelm, and anxiety disappeared no matter what did or did not get done.

I could have chosen to flog myself relentlessly for my lack of boundaries, my doormat status, or the pure anger and frustration that pumped through my veins, but that would have moved me right down my priority list again.

Making yourself a priority means that you don’t hurt yourself.

To change, to be more of who you want to be in the world, you have to accept yourself – flaws and all. This is far different than beating yourself up for not having all the answers.

You can’t do better until you know better.

To do better, start by getting to know yourself better. Try taking 5 minutes to consciously jot down your top priorities putting aside any self beatings for any missteps.

Ok, that was about as quick as my kids brush their teeth…did you really write them down?

If you did, awesome! The next time you feel like a bug on a hotplate, choose what gets done next based on your priorities.

If you didn’t, awesome! This is about you. There’s no right and no wrong. Next time you feel like that bug, maybe you’ll give it a try. Or not. Either way, it’s your choice.

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Jaw Dropping, Heart-Stopping Truth

Posted on April 21, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

Recently my jaw dropped and I think my heart may have momentarily stopped while listening to Koren Motekaitis interview Brene Brown about her work as a researcher and her new book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.

The big heart-stopping moment came when Brene revealed that we can only love others to the extent that we love ourselves.

WHAT?!  That can’t be right!

It was like being hit by a Mack truck.

I had already ordered the book from Amazon, so when it arrived a couple of days later, I immediately dove in and read, “we cannot give our children what we don’t have. Where we are on our journey of living and loving with our whole hearts is a much stronger indicator of parenting success than anything we can learn from how-to books.”

It hit me so hard, I think, because I knew in my gut that it was true. And I immediately understood the implied extent and ramifications of such truth. I’d heard this kind of thing before, but suddenly, when put in the light of my parenting success, it made sense in a whole new way.

The love and compassion I show myself is the same love and compassion I show my kids. It’s the same love and compassion I show everyone.

My new found truth immediately began to change the way I treat myself. In the past few years I have done loads of my own work to move toward self love and acceptance, but I apparently never fully understood why it is so damn important.

I admit that on occasion I still beat myself up. I still put myself down. I still run myself through the wringer of scathing self criticism. When I do, I get bitchy. Who bears the brunt of my bitchiness?  Yep, it’s my kids.

My beloveds.

I yell at them to alleviate my frustration. I don’t listen as fully as I could when they are talking. I downplay the importance of what they are saying because I downplay my own importance.

All of my attempts to make up for my shortcomings and all of my apologies designed to explain that mom’s just a little tired and grumpy cannot make up for the fact that at times I have mistreated my kids because I have mistreated myself.

I suddenly found a whole new motivation to love myself.

Now when I find myself growing impatient with my kids, I don’t beat myself up. Instead, those are the moments that I choose to be the most loving and compassionate to myself. Taking a moment to do so changes the entire outcome because when I give it to myself first, I can easily pass it on to my kids without chanting my survival mantra, “Be patient, be patient, be patient” in my head anymore.

Of course, reminding yourself to be loving and compassionate in the moment is just a small step toward loving yourself.

The real work of growing self love comes from showing yourself love and compassion in each and every moment no matter what.

It means putting yourself back at the top of your priority list.

It means being willing to take care of your body, mind, and spirit first so that you can share it with your loved ones.

It means getting in touch with the things that light you up, the things that you enjoy doing.

It means actually doing them.

It means that you give to yourself first and do for yourself first so that you can be the wholehearted, loving and compassionate parent/spouse/lover/daughter that you’ve always wanted to be.

Now that’s a helluva life lesson.

“…cultivating self-love and self-acceptance is not optional. They aren’t endeavors I can look into if and when I have some spare time. They are priorities.”

~ Brene Brown, Author of The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

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What Do You Really, Really Want?

Posted on March 15, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

Seven years ago my husband bought me a top of the line digital camera. At the time, this baby was the best of the digital camera bunch. Despite my very amateur status, I enjoy photography and my husband, rather sweetly, was simply encouraging me to pursue my interest.

But this was back in the day when I was stuck in Stay-at-Home-Mom Hell.  I was so married to the idea that I should be sacrificing for the good of my family that I never learned how to really use that camera. I had a  million excuses not to try and, consequently, never did…until last weekend when I went to a workshop that taught all the basics of photography.

The day before the workshop, however, I noticed that I had a bunch of reasons for NOT going:  “There’s a ton of laundry to do. I need to work with Ryan on his book report. I should really stay home and get some work done. I don’t have time for this, there’s so much going on. It’s not a big deal to miss it – it’s not like I’m going pro.” On and on it went.

The real problem wasn’t any of these things though. The real problem was that those “reasons” made me feel nervous, worried, and like I was doing something wrong. (Can you say guilt?)

But despite those feelings, the next day, I got up and went anyway. Why? Because in the past few years, I’ve learned that those “reasons’ are lies. I’ve learned to question the excuses as they pop up and, quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of sitting around worrying instead of having fun.

Seven years ago, I let the feelings that come along with excuses stop me.  But no more. Life is too precious to waste sitting around being worried.

Fear, worry, concern, being scared, frightened, anxious, or nervous – they’re all just emotions. Normal emotions. Those emotions, however, are often the biggest obstacles to face when you even think about trying something new. They can shut you down in a heartbeat and you might never try things you would really enjoy.

This little package of emotion is the primary reason that so many people never reach their dreams, never try to reach their dreams, never think about their dreams, and refuse to even think about thinking about their dreams.

I’ve seen it and heard it and lived it over and over again.

Here’s what I’ve learned.  All the excuses you have now will still be there in 20 years though they might sound different. “I have kids,” becomes “I have grandkids.”  “I’ll wait until I retire” becomes “I’m too old”.  “I don’t have enough money” becomes”I don’t have enough money”. Oh wait, that one was the same. But you get the idea.

Excuses are just words that keep you from living fully.

You get to make the choices that govern your life.  If you really want a full, strong, happy life that you love, you are probably gonna have to walk through some fear which can make things a little dicey. But given what I’ve shared, clearly you aren’t alone. (Remind me to tell you about my choice to become a life coach – oy!)

Fear sucks, but you can keep it in check by taking one small step at a time. It puts up far less of a fight when you take things slowly and accept that getting to your destination is a process. After all, you don’t suddenly end up in Spain just because you want to go. You research airlines, cities, activities, and hotels. You book things, you schedule time off from work, you pack, you get to the airport, and you get on a plane. Getting to Spain is a process.

Your life works the same way.  You might not be ready to overhaul your entire life at this moment, but you can start thinking about what you really, really want. It doesn’t mean you have to drop everything and go do it right now but it doesn’t mean you can’t either.

Begin by examining your reasons for not thinking about or doing what you really, really want.  Ask yourself: What’s real? What’s valid? What isn’t? Expect the discomfort and know that it is normal. It will pass and instead of a bunch of regrets, you’ll end up with a bunch of memories.

It’s up to you of course. But life happens now. So tell me, what do you really, really want?

“In life, you either have reasons or results…”  ~ Peter McWilliams

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Show the Love, Baby!

Posted on February 15, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

Did you wake up happy with a heart filled with love this morning?  I didn’t, but then again, I’m not a morning person. It took a few minutes of listening to my clock radio playing some tunes and silly DJ jibber jabber, but then as I started to set my intention for the day, I realized that today is Valentine’s Day.

I giggled to myself thinking how much love I am sending out today to my kids, my friends, my husband, my family, and to the world.  Then I added myself.

Note:  I thought of myself last.

Fascinating, no?

Yesterday I had a bit of a wake up call in what happens when you don’t put yourself first.  I was planning to relax. Really, I was. But there was laundry to do, errands to run, emails to read, chores to be done, yada, yada, yada.  By the end of the day I was just the slightest bit (ahem) bitchy.

So you would think I had learned from yesterday’s lesson (and the many, many that have come before) that taking care of myself is not only good for me, but good for my family as well. In fact, it is my job.

It can be challenging to remain conscious and aware of my choices though, so when I take care of myself less than perfectly, I cut myself some slack.

Today, I invite you to join me in taking a small, first step in awareness and self love. It’s a little gift to yourself really.  Now don’t get all wiggy, I’m not going to suggest you do anything radical. In fact, this is fascinatingly simple.

Cut yourself some slack.

Seriously. That’s it.

Most of us have those little voices in our heads that speak up when we make a mistake, put the good old foot in the big old mouth, or heaven forbid, do something less than perfectly. It is those voices, not the blunders, that hurt your feelings.

To turn her down, you must start noticing those voices when they start piping in with their opinions. Notice how much negative self talk you engage in each day.  Notice the way you feel when you do.  In those moments, do you feel loving and compassionate with yourself? With anyone? Do you feel like you can fully engage in relationships with others with a heart full of love?  My guess is you can’t. That’s because you didn’t take care of yourself first.

Silence your inner critic.

Too challenging? It really isn’t, but to silence her, you must hear what she has to say in the first place. Once you do, you give yourself the opportunity to choose a better way of thinking about yourself and your actions.

When you notice the negative self talk, don’t try to quash it.  Simply listen to what it has to say and then reply, “Thank you, your opinion is duly noted, but I’m going to choose a better way to think about this situation.” And then do.

Once you choose your emotionally-improved thought, give yourself a few examples of why it’s true. Prove your inner critic wrong. You don’t have to argue with her, just be firm about your own opinion and give her the space to exit stage left.

When you escort the critic to the door and believe that you really are all that, you will feel empowered, loved, happy, and full.  That’s a beautiful thing and the best way I know to show the love.

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Love the One You’re Always With

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

February is the month of love. It’s a time for romance, chocolate galore, and sappy jewelry commercials. Best of all, it is a time for expressing your love to those you love most.

It feels wonderful to twirl in the glow of love. To tell others how much you care and feel how much they care for you. To celebrate your love together and be fully present in it. That’s a beautiful thing.

But it isn’t the only thing.

We’re sold this idea that once prince charming arrives you’ll live happily ever after. Disney practically guarantees it. I know plenty of women, however, who will agree that after 20 years of loving prince charming at the cost of loving themselves they feel empty, unfulfilled, insecure, and less loved than ever. That’s because regardless of what you heard in Jerry Maguire, nobody else can complete you.

The “I need you, you complete me” sentiment may sound romantic, but it’s actually a little scary. Scary because it relies on someone other than you for happiness. It’s needy, clingy and, frankly, can be a little desperate. Where would you be without that person?  What happens if it doesn’t work out? Who will you complete you then? Can you even be happy without being complete?

The only one who can complete you is you.

This is great news because it means you can feel loved all the time by loving the one you’re always with: You. It isn’t always easy, but the rewards of self love are so worth your efforts to get there.

The term “self love” may sound a little hokey (I can see the eye rolling from here), but self love is essential. In fact to fully love others you have to love yourself first.

You might think that’s a load of crap. You might think that loving yourself (or admitting that you do) is selfish, arrogant, silly, or narcissistic. If that’s the case, I invite you to open your mind to the possibility that self love is good for you and your loved ones.

Speaking from my own experience, people who care for and love themselves allow love for others to blossom in a completely new way. They turn down their inner (and not so inner) critic. They are less judgmental, less demanding and  can meet their own needs. Their relationships allow them and their loved ones to grow, they are comfortable in their own skin and have the capacity to give more condition-less love.

When you take responsibility for feeling loved, happy, and joyful, you no longer have to wait for someone or something to make you happy. You can stop blaming things external to you – circumstances, people, events – for your feelings. Imagine relationships without blame – how good does that feel?

Relying on someone or something to complete you sucks though. It makes you dependent on something you cannot control. By understanding that you are the true source of love and joy in your life, you embrace your ability to control the only thing you ever could in the first place – You.

So… when is the last time you danced by the warm light of self love?

There’s no time like the present so I hereby declare February to be Love the One You’re Always With month. I invite you to get to know yourself, treat yourself the way you have always wanted to be treated and begin to love the beauty and magic of You.

I’ll help.

Many of you have expressed a desire for one-on-one coaching but it simply doesn’t jive with your budget. I can appreciate that so I’m offering another round of Pay What You Want.  Click here and set an appointment to show yourself how important you really are.

Here’s the small print: All appointments held between February 7 and March 11, 2011 are Pay What You Want eligible. You must pay something, but you choose your price. Canceled appointments will not carry over beyond March 11. There are a limited number of appointments which are available on a first come, first serve basis with a maximum of 4 appointments per person during this offer. This offer is open to anyone, anywhere so pass it along to those you love.

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Power Outages and Rednecks

Posted on January 30, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

Do you ever feel like giving up? Giving in? Dropping out?  You know those times when one thing after another happens and you can’t quite seem to get on top of any of it. You feel like you’re stuck in the muck. Everything you try seems to get you nowhere and before you can figure a way out, something else happens.

The car needs a new transmission, the dog needs surgery, your boss doubled your workload, and the kids are trying to kill one another while you’re on the phone with the IRS.  But it isn’t just the big stuff, it’s the little stuff, too. Your mail hasn’t shown up for a week, the dog ate one of your favorite shoes, the library books are overdue and you’re out of toilet paper.

Sometimes life just feels like more than you can handle. Problems seem to grow and expand and soon, problems are all you see.

The more that happens, the lower you sink. It’s like a vicious cycle and you try to get through it by telling yourself, “It’s gonna end. It has to end.”  But that isn’t quite enough to convince you because you just discovered that a pipe in the kids’ bathroom burst and they didn’t think it was important to share the fact that there is an inch of standing water on the floor.

It can be so easy to fall into that mindset that life is hard, it sucks, and everything’s just wrong.

You may not be able to push pause to make it all stop, but that doesn’t mean that you are powerless in the situation. Fortunately, you are powerful beyond measure.  This is because you can choose how to perceive what happens, how and where to focus your attention, and, consequently, how you feel.

For the past several months, my electricity has gone out unexpectedly many times. After having meals ruined, coaching calls with clients interrupted, and a cold shower mid-winter, I started to feel a little pissed off. “For Pete’s sake, it’s not like we live in a freakin’ third world country, surely a little electricity isn’t too much to ask for!  Why does this keep happening?” I shouted.

A week later, I began my morning by ripping the previous day’s page off the “You Must Be a Redneck If…” calendar. (My husband has slight tendency toward what he calls “redneckedness” which we choose to celebrate. But I digress.)

That day’s page said, “You Must Be a Redneck If…You don’t notice power outages.”

I paused and then began to laugh deeply.  It was an answer to my “Why does this keep happening?” question.

See, I had been missing the point. I hadn’t noticed all the times the electricity was working properly. I hadn’t noticed all the meals that were fully cooked, all the uninterrupted calls with clients, and all the hot showers I was able to take simply because I can turn on a faucet.

Reading that quirky redneck-ism, I experienced a shift that changed my perspective from an “everything’s wrong” mindset to an “everything’s right” mindset.  With it came the rapid dissolution of my funk. The frustration, anger, and feelings of powerlessness vanished and were instantly replaced by joy, appreciation, and, yes I’m happy to report, a personal power surge.

The next time you feel yourself sinking into the muck of “everything’s wrong” try noticing everything that’s right.  You might experience an instant shift or it might take a little longer. Don’t judge, just keep noticing. When you do, it’s like saying you won’t settle for feeling powerless over your life. Then watch as the lights come back on simply because you created your own personal power surge.

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The Courage to Have It All

Posted on January 3, 2011 by Theresa Robbins

Happy New Year!

This year I could wish you lots of things, but I am choosing to wish you courage.

May you have the courage to open your mind and see the incredible possibilities that lie waiting for you.

May you have the courage to dream and to act on your dreams. May you have the courage to admit that you want one if you don’t have a dream and may you have the courage to accept the dream you are given.

May you have the courage to persevere in the pursuit of your dream – to let go of the outcome, take life as it comes, and live the journey fully – perhaps even more so than reaching the destination.

May you have the courage to look back to examine both your accomplishments and where you have fallen short of your goals.  May you have the courage to celebrate it all, forgive yourself and set new goals that serve you and guide you toward happiness.

May you have the courage to face what isn’t working, to look within and accept responsibility for it, then do what it takes to make it better. May you have the courage to ask for help when you need it and accept it when it comes. May you have the courage to be vulnerable and gentle enough to admit when you are wrong… and gracious when you are right.

May you have the courage to accept responsibility for your happiness. May you notice what makes you unhappy and gleefully explore what does make you happy.  May you have the courage to take the risk to do what you want and to try something new even when it’s scary.  May you have the courage to do what calls to your heart even when it makes no sense.

May you have the courage to face adversity with an open mind. May you look obstacles in the eye and navigate around them even when it’s hard. May you have the courage to learn from life’s challenges, grow from them and see the gifts they bring.  May you have the courage to accept all gifts and opportunities granted you regardless of their form.

May you have the courage to open your heart to love for yourself and others.

May you have the courage to make a difference in this world by loving and embracing yourself and all you have to offer. May you have the courage to take a stand and work for what you believe in even when others aren’t in agreement with you.

May you have the courage to see abundance in your life, to see what’s right in your life, indeed to see what’s right about you. May you have the courage to love unconditionally and wholeheartedly without judgment or blame. May you have the courage to be loved the same way.

May you have the courage to be seen. May you live in the manner that honors your very nature. May you have the courage to be authentic and genuine in all that you do.

I wish you the courage to trust yourself, to believe in yourself, to know that you are good enough, and to truly love yourself for these are the precursors of good fortune, true happiness, blessed prosperity, overflowing abundance, and, of course, wickedly wild dreams come true.

I wish you the courage to have it all.

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