My Immensely Huge Bundle of Joy and Everybody

Since he was a baby, my son, Ryan, age 8, has been all about the fun. When he was 3, I asked him what he wanted be.  ”A football player and my back up is stand up comedian,” he replied.  The first time we took him to the beach, he literally dove into the sand, squirmed around in it, and was instantly covered in it from head to toe.  I’ve never seen anything like it, but come to think of it, that’s kinda how he does everything.

Even the happiest kid on earth feels sad from time to time though.  It is difficult to watch him struggle with sadness as it is so clearly against his nature.  He is typically so genuinely happy that it is evident that feeling bad is in direct opposition to his purpose in life:  to be happy simply by living in alignment with who he really is.  The same can be said of everyone – you included.

Recently, I asked Ryan if would like to take cupcakes to school to celebrate his birthday.  To my surprise he told me that he would prefer to take them on a different day so that the other kids wouldn’t know that his birthday is on April Fools’ Day.   Apparently another boy told him that this is a “pathetic” birthday and, most unfortunately, Ryan believed him.  The thought that his birthday is pathetic made him feel sad and unaccepted by his peers.  But he chose to believe it.

How often do we all do this kind of thing?  We think things are good, then someone offers a differing opinion.  We buy into their opinion and suddenly what once seemed wonderful, now seems “pathetic”.

We do this because we each have a small group of people referred to as our Everybody.  You know Everybody – they’re the reason you can’t do this, that, or the other thing.  ”I can’t wear that dress.  Everybody will think I’m a floozy.”  ”I can’t …, Everybody will…”  Fill in the blanks.

Your Everybody may be comprised of people like your parents or a close friend, but oddly enough, you may find someone you barely know (or even despise) in your Everybody,  like someone at the gym or a neighbor.  For some strange reason, and usually without realizing it, you have chosen to include this person as someone whose opinion matters.

Ryan had chosen to make this one child a member of his Everybody even though this child is not important to his life in any real way. I told Ryan that when he was born, I knew that having April 1 as his birthday would either traumatize him or suit him perfectly. Given his happy, bubbly nature, I would say it suits him perfectly. Just like you, Ryan can choose whose opinions to trust just as he can choose to be happy regardless of the date of his birthday.  I’m happy to report that Ryan chooses happiness.

Being aware of what was happening allowed Ryan to exorcise this boy from his Everybody and replace him with a more supportive team member.  You can do the same thing.  The next time you are worried about what someone thinks or find yourself using the “Everybody will…” line, stop and ask yourself who you are specifically referring to. If it echoes the sentiments of an ardent admirer who supports you, keep that person in place.  If not, boot them out of your Everybody and replace them with someone who supports you in your quest to live a happier, more authentic, fulfilling life.  Your brain is going to create an Everybody no matter what you do.  It might as well work for you.

Recently Ryan began what he hopes to be his future profession – a professional roller coaster, skateboard-riding astronaut with the astronaut gig being just for fun.  The roller coaster riding is where he intends to make his real fortune – and if anyone can, Ryan can.  Maybe he’ll choose me to be part of his Everybody that supports him in his efforts to make his dreams come true.  Either way, it’s his choice.

I am so extremely blessed to have this child as part of my life.  He inspires me to live a more joyful life just by being authentically him. Earlier, he was outside my bedroom door quietly singing and talking to one of our dogs.  The love and gentleness in his voice instantly brought the sweetest feeling of joy to my heart and a smile to my face. I treasure these little moments knowing that one day he won’t be just outside the door effortlessly infusing my life with joy.  He’ll be riding a roller coaster on Mars.  And I will be cheering for him every moment from my beach house on Maui.