Confessions of a Self-Help Virgin

When I began writing today I had no intention of writing about what I did. It just kind of happened. It all spilled out of me so quickly and easily I almost had to ask myself if I had actually written it or if it had written itself.

Afterward I tried to write about what I had originally intended to write about. Twice. Then I took a break, came back, and tried again…and again…and again. Each time I was drawn back to this piece. So I surrendered my resistance and decided to go with the flow.

Sometimes you just gotta say what you need to say.

Here’s what I need to say:

You know what’s so great about being a middle aged woman?

No (sigh)… the answer is not “nothing”.

The answer is also not Botox, Juvederm, Brazilian blow outs, blinged out t-shirts, jeans that make your butt look great, or that house, car, and/or bank account that seems to say “I have arrived!”

What makes middle age so great is the newfound sense of wonder that so many of us share. It’s like a rebirth into a new way of being that brings with it a willingness to look beyond the external measures of what we’re told is a life well lived and ask some bigger questions about who we are, what we’re doing here, how we can live happier, fuller lives, and, by God, what’s next?

We are no longer willing to put up with the stuff that once consumed our waking hours. We are no longer content to live by someone else’s rules. We are no longer willing to settle for a flat existence with a purpose and sense of self worth determined by someone else’s flat and empty definition of who we should be and how we should live.

You just might not know what to do about it. As mind-body-career coach Laura Tirello summed up in a recent blog post, so many of us turn to the external sources around us when, in reality, the answers we need most come from one place: Within.

Within can be a scary place. You may have spent most of your life avoiding it (I certainly did). Who wants to sit around figuring out their stuff and feeling their feelings when you can eat chocolate, drink wine and raise Nordstrom’s bottom line instead?

I’ll tell you who.

She’s the woman who embraces middle age as what I like to call The Wonder Years. She’s the woman who can no longer ignore the pull of the idea that there’s a better way. That she has a purpose in this life bigger than what she’s lived so far. That she is so much more than a hairstyle, pair of jeans or a smooth, unlined face. That she is so much more than she has ever allowed herself to be.

She wonders about it all…and she’s not alone.

Multitudes of middle-aged women want to know what’s on the other side of wonder. They aren’t willing to live these years by anyone else’s standards – including their own mother’s – so they take a stand, do what they need to do, say what they need to say, and embrace going within.

Even when they know they may stir up a hot mess of who-knows-what.
Even when they’re scared.
Even when they have no idea what to expect.
Even when simply asking for help feels brutal.
Even when they don’t know that they’re doing it because on some deep level, they know they’re worth it.

These women are Women of Wonder.

Women of Wonder know that when you invest in something, there’s a payoff. It may not come in the form initially imagined, but yep, there’s a payoff and it’s usually bigger and better than imagined.

Sure, they go in feeling scared and frightened, but those feelings are nothing compared to the pain of staying stuck in a life lived by someone else’s definition of well lived.

They believe it’s worth the risk because they believe they will come out with so much more than they started with.

They come out with answers – their answers.
They come out with understanding.
They come out with greater peace, love and acceptance for themselves and others.
They come out owning their strengths, their talents, their priorities and their desires.
They come out with more honest and fulfilling relationships.
They come out as more compassionate, loving moms, daughters, wives, and friends.
They come out with the freedom to define what well lived means for them.
They come out loving who they are and living lives of purpose.
They come out Wonder Women.

Sound a little hokey? I hear ya, but having been through some pretty rockin’-but-not-so-pretty transformations of my own, I have huge, huge respect for anyone willing to push the envelope of comfort and explore the stuff that holds them back. So Wonder Women it is.

And that, my friends, is all.

Amen, hallelujah and whoo hoo ‘cuz that’s exactly what I needed to say!

So what about you? There’s space in the comment section below. What do you need to say?